A Thousand Reasons
by justmetoo
Summary: A hopeful huddy in the aftermath of bombshells, the wedding et al.  What does he have to do to get his life back?
1. Chapter 1

A Thousand Reasons

Another long day behind her Cuddy made her way through her quiet Princeton neighbourhood towards her home. It was only now that she allowed herself to think of him. At work it was hard to avoid, especially with his most recent antics, but they were different thoughts than those she held now.

No longer wondering if he was waiting for her when she got home, no longer playing his game of trying to glimpse her underwear before she changed out of her work clothes, no more pretending she didn't notice him interact with Rachel more and more each day. No more.

Pulling her car to a stop in the driveway she painted her happy face on and eagerly went in search of her daughter. Approaching her front door Cuddy noticed brightly colored sheets of printer paper taped to the wall on the approach to her front door. Assuming Rachel and Marina had been playing a game or this was a display of the little girl's artwork brought a genuine smile to Cuddy's face as she approached for a closer look.

The smile faded away when she realised that while the writing on the paper was familiar it certainly was not that of her daughter or her nanny.

'I did something today'

Inhaling deeply she approached the second page with some trepidation.

'Well actually I did two things.'

She closed her eyes and braced herself for the final sheet of paper. Upon reading it she thought her heart had stopped.

'I filed for divorce

and

I checked into Mayfield

Why? A thousand reasons...'


	2. Chapter 2

A Thousand Reasons 2

She carefully removed the paper and carried them through the door with her. Rapid footsteps told her Rachel had noticed her arrival home and she dropped her briefcase and coat, keys, scarf, everything she had been carrying apart from the pieces of paper. As expected the young girl propelled herself directly at her mother as she rounded the corner.

"Hey there baby girl. Did you have a good day today?" She talked to her daughter while carrying her towards the living room and the nanny.

"Yep Mommy. House came to see me today!"

Cuddy could not help the stunned look upon her face as she turned towards the nanny. While she has not told Marina directly that she and House were no longer a couple she knew that the nanny was perceptive enough to know that he had spent little time there over the last few weeks.

"Doctor House called today for a little while. He said he wanted to get some of his things, then he said he was leaving you a message, then Rachel asked him to play feed the monkey for a little while, she loves it when he makes the silly voices when they play together!" the nanny was smiling broadly as she filled her employer in on their unexpected visitor.

"oh..uh...ok. How long was he here?"

" About 30 minutes maybe."

"Right...what time?"

"Around four. Should I not have let him in?" her boss's vacant look had Marina worried that her enthusiasm for the two doctors to rekindle their relationship had caused her to upset the woman.

"oh... no of course. It's fine. Thanks Marina." Cuddy's painted on smile returned to reassure the nanny whilst her mind worked on overdrive trying to figure out what House had been up to.

With this Cuddy focussed all of her attention on her daughter, dropping a kiss on the child's forehead "well my little monkey what am I going to feed you tonight?"

Rachel let out a delighted squeal at her mothers playful tone and reponded loudly "Nanas!"

"Bananas? Bananas? How about some stirfry then you can have bananas for dessert?"

"Yeah stirfry and nanas!"


	3. Chapter 3

A Thousand Reasons 3

Both Cuddy women waved goodbye to the nanny and headed for the kitchen. Setting the youngster down Lisa made her way towards the refrigerator. It was only upon her approach that she noticed among the paintings and artworks created by her daughter that she noticed the bright yellow post-it note on the centre of the door. The handwriting once again achingly familiar.

'because there is always food in here!'

Snorting in wry laughter she rolled her eyes mumbling to herself "yeah right, you went to Mayfield because I have food."

She ignored the note and opened the door to start to make dinner. She was immediately met with another post-it on the shelf at her eye level,

'Even if it is all this healthy stuff.'

She tried to avoid smiling as she glanced down and noticed another note on the right hand drawer.

'Except in here! This is where all the good stuff lives.'

Smiling now she opened the drawer that she kept some chocolate and other treats in to see what he had pilfered this time.

Instead of the depleted supply she expected Lisa found that the drawer had been restocked with some of the favourites, including several bags of peanut m&m's her real comfort food. Taking a deep breath she realised that she was already starting to soften up to this ploy. Resolving not to let one hint of this sweet side of him over ride the fact that he had hurt her deeply over the last few weeks. She reached for the pre-packaged stir-fry vegetables and closed the fridge behind her. Turning she pulled out a packet of dried noodles and the pots and pans she would need to prepare dinner.

As she watched the noodles boil and with one hand tossed the vegetables around the pan and the other she added some soy sauce to the chopped garlic, ginger and chillies she had in her bowl. Trying to multi-task to the max in order to avoid allowing her thoughts to drift back to him. But it couldn't be helped, he was in her thoughts even more as she consciously tried to think of ways not to think about him.


	4. Chapter 4

A Thousand Reasons 4

Cuddy dished up the meal for herself and Rachel and carried the plates to the dining room. She called out to Rachel, bracing herself for the heartbreak that was to come. Since the break up with House Rachel had gone to look for him every meal time, Cuddy figured this was her punishment for telling the child that they would eat once he arrived most evenings for the past six months.

The break up was difficult, but knowing that her little girl missed him too just made it more difficult. Even though House spent large quantities of time actively avoiding her daughter, they had bonded somewhat over the past year. If nothing else Rachel saw him as the grumpy clown who came for dinner and kissed her mommy a lot.

This evening however Rachel came straight to the table and held her arms up so she could be lifted onto the booster seat that now allowed her to sit at the dining room table.

"House having his dinner in the hospital today!" Rachel stated matter of factly.

"Wha..What? Sorry honey, what was that." Cuddy corrected trying to clear her head.

"House is gonna eat his dinner in the hospital. He told me he is going to stay at hospital for a while, so he not have dinner with us."

"Oh right..yeah. House will have his dinner at the hospital."

"House said it is not your hospital." with this Rachel creased her brow as if this was the most absurd thing that she had ever heard.

"No honey. House is at a different hospital."

"He said his hospital is for grumpy peoples."

With this Cuddy could not help but crack a smile. The child had obviously interrogated him earlier and it warmed her to know that he had at least tried to explain to her daughter. Then she felt the familiar pangs of guilt. He had explained better to Rachel about his admittance to a mental institute than she had managed to explain about House not being around any more.

Her smile returning as she caught the child's eye, "Lets hope he is less grumpy when he comes home." with this she pulled a silly face for her daughters amusement hoping it would end the discussion.

Her ploy worked perfectly as Rachel's peals of laughter rang around the room as they both dug into their meal.


	5. Chapter 5

A Thousand Reasons 5

Dinner had been a pleasant affair with mother and daughter discussing the formers visit to the park that morning and the games that were played.

With a contented sigh Cuddy took in her daughter's appearance. The stir-fry had been delicious as usual, but as usual Rachel appeared to be wearing more of it than she had eaten, and the facial decoration of the mashed banana with yoghurt dessert only added to the effect.

"Ok little miss time for your bath!"

"Yay bath" Rachel's jovial mood continued, making the task of getting her to the bathroom without half the house acquiring a bit of stir-fry even more difficult. Finally getting into the family bathroom with it's abundant supply of bath toys Cuddy started to run the bath.

Turning around she noticed Rachel make a valiant display of attempting to remove her own clothes. Warning her daughter not to go near the water Cuddy popped into the next room to grab a pair of pajamas for the girl. Opening the drawer Cuddy found another post it,

'because you are an amazing mother'.

She had not expected any more notes, and for him to comment on her role as a mother, for him to consider it one of the reasons why he had made such a drastic choice in his life, it left her stunned. At that moment Rachel made an appearance through the door. "Look momma I did it!" she waved her arms in the air displaying her naked body to her mother.

At a second glace Cuddy was again left speechless. Written on the child's tummy in block capitals

'BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER SO MUCH'

Rachel noticed where her mother was looked and grinning said,

"House drawed on me." she seemed thoroughly amused by this. "he said it wash off in bath."

"Right, bath...Oh God BATH, lets go"

Rushing back to the bathroom Cuddy turned off the taps, checked the water temperature and placed her daughter in the tub.

Grabbing a variety of plastic animals Rachel began her usual bath time game of underwater zoo making sure all of the noises were acted out for every animal. Cuddy lifted Rachel's discarded clothing placing it in the hamper and placing a large towel on the warmer. One more deep breath and she was ready to join the play and find out if he was true to his word and the writing would come off in the bath. While she loved what he had written, and couldn't help a grin at the typical Housian off the wall delivery, she did wish it hadn't involved writing on her daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

A Thousand Reasons 6

Rachel was all cleaned up (including the writing) and dressed in her pajamas. Mother and Daughter headed for the play room to spend some time together before the little ones bedtime. The feed the monkey game was still out on the floor.

"Me and House playing with that." Rachel said grinning and pointing to the game. "You play with me mommy?"

"Sure! Lets play" Cuddy responded ruffling the child's hair.

"Ok Mommy you be the monkey, and I give the nana to you."

"Ok" She couldn't help the affectionate smile at the child showing her how to play.

Rachel used the small tongs and patiently picked up a banana and fed it through the monkey's mouth.

"Yummy Rachel, thank you."

Rachel wrinkled her brown and looked at her mother with consternation. "Not Mommy voice, silly voice!"

"Oh sorry, silly voice ok lets try again."

Again the child poured all of her concentration into picking up the plastic banana and placing it into the mouth of the monkey sitting in front of her mother.

Putting on her best squeakey silly voice Cuddy responded. "Thank you Rachel, yummy banana."

Rachel again huffed out a breath and gave her mother a quizzical look. "Mommy? Not that silly voice! Monkey don't say thank you. House not show you how to play?"

"No baby he didn't"

"Ok I show you mommy." With that Rachel moved the monkey in front of herself and handed Cuddy the tongs. Cuddy easily lifted the plastic monkey and fed it through the monkey's gaping mouth.

In a forced deep and attempted growling voice. "Yum Yum, I very hungy, I wan more nanas."

Desperately trying to swallow her laughter Cuddy fed another Banana into the mouth of the monkey. "Yes more nanas, need more nanas quick!"

Again Cuddy fed another banana to the monkey. "Oh I super hungy monkey, yummy nanas, hurry hurry."

Unable to contain the laughter as she continued to feed the bananas into the mouth of the monkey Cuddy sighed under her breath. "You can't even play with my kid without teaching her to be gruff, grumpy, demanding and impatient. Typical." Her smile changed to a whistful one as her thoughts turned to her former lover. "Why House? Why?"

"C'mon mommy hurry." Rachel's normal voice tried to gain her mother's attention.

"Sorry baby girl, let get these bananas!"


	7. Chapter 7

A Thousand Reasons 7

Cuddy dropped a light kiss to Rachel's forehead and whispered goodnight. Her bedtime routine now so well established the child settled quickly. Gently closing the door Cuddy made her way to the living room.

She flopped onto the sofa and glaced at the imposing black façade of the 50inch plasma TV that house had installed. During their relationship she found that she actually quite enjoyed relaxing and watching movies after Rachel settled. Of course most of the time he was here with her arms wrapped around each other breathing in sync with each other. The feeling of loss within her now was palpable.

Leaning her head against the back of the sofa she tried to remind herself of the events that had transpired since they last sat here together. She tried to remind herself of the hurt and disappointment that he took any vicodin, and then the devastation that by breaking up with him she only drove him deeper into the downward spiral instead of the sharp kick he needed to get his recovery back on track. She tried to remember the pain of his disappearance knowing that he was going wildly off the rails, then his return followed shortly thereafter by the arrival of his fiance. Now his wife. She couldn't stop the fresh tears that flowed down her cheeks at the though of his wife, hearing him say those vows however nonchalantly to someone else...today like everyday since his marriage caused the same reaction within her as she bolted to the bathroom before she vomited on the floor...again.

She sat on the bathroom floor wiping her wet face with her sleeves as she tried to clear her thoughts with a light shake of her head. Despite the pain since their break up there was no doubt her thoughts of him are plagued with happy memories. Yes their relationship was volatile and challenging and most definitely unusual a lot of the time, but it was also happy. They had been happy...ish. They both had things to work on but the love, the passion, the devotion and the joy was all there. The rest was just... what was it? A long exhale escaped her as she muttered "The rest is what makes it work."

She thought about what he was doing now. Divorce he said. Mayfield. All of the notes and messages, even the restocked candy in the fridge. He was trying maybe it was time she did too. Knowing there was nothing she could do tonight and feeling exhausted but restless she made her way back to the television. Opening the hamper beside the TV where she kept a sparse collection of DVDs she glanced inside and spotted further evidence of not only how much he was trying but also how well he knew her. Inside was a pile of costume dramas and other films house would berate her girlishness for wanting to watch. Perfect for how she was feeling now. Selecting Pride and Prejudice Cuddy settled herself on the couch pulling the blanket over her as the music swept her into a gentler time.


	8. Chapter 8

A Thousand Reasons 8

Cuddy pulled herself from the sofa as the end credits rolled. Having forced herself to stay awake until the end of the movie she knew sleep would not be far away when she made it to her bed. She put away the blanket she had used and straightened the cushions on the couch making sure everything looked perfect before poking her head through the door of her daughters bedroom. The gentle rise and fall of the child's chest confirmed a sound sleep. Finally she pushed open her bedroom door she stripped off the comfortable clothes the had donned earlier and lifted the lid of the hamper. As she was about to dump the clothes for washing she noticed another note on top of those clothes in the hamper.

'Because you are so tidy!'

She scoffed as she lifted the note out of the hamper and found another stuck underneath,

'And I need someone to remind me that the clothes don't wash themselves when you leave them on the floor.'

At this she rolled her eyes but could not even say herself whether it was amusement or exasperation. She reached into her bottom drawer for her pajamas again the first thing to catch her eye was a post it.

'Because you have the sexiest pajamas' and underneath

'Because you are even sexier without them!' This time her mouth did quirk in a smile. She remembered his exasperation the first time he stayed over that she insisted that they wear pajamas to sleep. His incessant grumbling ending within a couple of weeks when Rachel put her houdiniesque prowess to use and appeared at their bedroom door at 4am having escaped her crib. Thankfully Cuddy had been wearing her pajamas and was able to escort to daughter to the bathroom to put her newly acquired toilet skills to use while House scrabbled around to put something on at least his bottom half before he traumatised the child.

A deep breath filed that happy memory away with the many others as she pulled back her bed covers. On her pillow she discovered another little pile of post its. On top,

'because this is where you sleep'

on the next, 'Because that is where I sleep' with a large arrow pointing to his side of the bed. She picked up the remaining noted and settled herself into bed to read the rest of the bedtime notes he had left for her.


	9. Chapter 9

A Thousand Reasons 9

Once comfortable she pulled the top two notes that she had already read off the pile and glanced at the next.

'because we fit in EVERY sense of the word, in this bed and anywhere and everywhere else.'

There was no way to deny that they were sexually compatible. With him it was always better than it had ever been with anyone else. Partly because of the emotions they shared, but also because he was damn good!

'Because you are the only person I have ever held all night without needing space.'

She closed her eyes and sighed. While the first few notes in the pile had been fun, this one felt more serious. She flipped to the next,

'because I love the smell of your neck in the morning'

Most mornings she awoke to his face buried somewhere in her neck and hair. She may not always have appreciated it at the time, especially when her alarm had gone off and he was sprawled across her like a lead weight, however those other mornings when he was running sloppy kisses across her collar bones always made it very difficult to tear herself from the bed...and really she rarely did within 30 minutes anyway.

'because I love how you still think I would let you work or read in here when I was finally in the same bed as you,'

In truth she only did it much of the time to goad him into trying to distract her, which usually ended up being a lot of fun. And they both knew that was why she was doing it.

'because on a Sunday morning this is the greatest place on earth!' It was. He was right. Most Sunday mornings they would wake up together, with Rachel as their only alarm. Cuddy would allow Rachel to snuggle in next to her and House would often wrap his arms around both of them while they grabbed another hour of sleep. Once Rachel started to stir House would go make coffee and toast while Cuddy got her laptop and put on disney movies and they would have a light breakfast together in bed. She loved watching Rachel become enraptured in the stories while sitting at the bottom of the bed while she and House could cuddle and talk to each other and really reconnect after what were often busy and fraught weeks at work. Sometimes they would both read at this time, sometimes they would watch the movie but always they were touching head to toe relishing just being together.

It is with these memories that Cuddy settled down to sleep. The memory so string she could almost feel him next to her. Tonight the ache of knowing he would not be crawling in next to her did not seem so deep. Tonight she had hope.


	10. Chapter 10

A Thousand Reasons 10

Her first conscious thought was that there was someone on her bed, she cracked her eye open in time to see Rachel crawling towards her.

Thankfully the small girl's journey was significantly safer these days. After a few occasions of Rachel appearing at the bedside for house to get curious as to how she managed to escape her crib. She returned home from work one evening to find house in Rachel's bedroom with three mini cameras all pointing to the crib from different angles. He spent a further hour rigging them up to a laptop that would record Rachel's every move while they slept. Their timing was perfect as she was just pulling the cannelloni from the oven as he emerged looking very pleased with himself.

It was not until 3 mornings later that Rachel made an early morning entrance into their room. House leapt from the bed and was in Rachel's room before Cuddy had even sat up. This morning Rachel announced that she wanted to read as she crawled in next to he mom. Cuddy glance at the clock 4.37am, ugh. She and house had only settled to sleep around midnight after...stress relief from a tough day. "No Rachel, it's sleeping time." Just as Rachel turned dejectedly back to her room House bustled through the door, laptop tucked under one arm and grabbing Rachel with the other as he hustled past her on his way back to the bed.

"OK shorty time to find out how you do it." He bellowed with excitement as he plopped both of them onto the bed. He flipped the laptop open and navigated his way to the saved video footage. He scrolled back 10 minutes to see Rachel squirming around in her crib. Both adults then watched in awe as Rachel acrobatically reached up to the bar across the top of the crib and swung, clung and climbed her way to a precarious perch on top of the crib before making her way equally as deftly to the ground landing on her large stuffed dog with aplomb.

"Wow! What a show." with this he held up his hand, which Rachel took great delight in giving a high five.

"i'm booking the gymnastics class tomorrow, she is gonna kick ass." House took great joy in recognising an area he truly thought that Rachel could achieve. The look of pride remained as she turned his head to look his girlfriend in the eye. Her look was not the mirror image of his as he expected. She looked aghast and appeared to have unfallen tears in her eyes.

"House she could have killed herself, didn't you see that?" She spoke quietly in a beseeching tone.

"She's fine Cuddy look at her... not even a stumble."

"She has been doing that for months now House, its so dangerous, what if she slipped?"

House blew out a long breath "OK, do you have any time free today?"

"Maybe an hour or two either side of lunch. Why?"

"We are going shopping for a big girls bed."

That evening House and Wilson spent three hours in Rachel's bedroom putting together the new bed, house having bribed the salesman in the bed store to let them have one that was in stock so that Rachel never had to climb out of her crib again.

Cuddy pulled her daughter closer knowing that her journey this morning had been significantly safer than just a few short of months ago.


End file.
